I am an inherently unhappy person...that's why I'm so happy...

I will never die fully fulfilled...

I will never fly in a SR-71 Blackbird.

I will never see Cash, Hendrix or Muddy Waters live.

I will never hang out with Sinatra, Martin and Davis Jnr. in  a dive bar in Vegas.

I probably will never own a '67 Dodge Challenger R/T Hemi , let alone drive one. I will never be in an episode of House, never play harmonica on stage with Dylan, never play for London Irish or spar with Rocky Marciano.

I am also inherently dispositioned  to be unhappy because I will never meet "that special someone", statistically speaking. I will never have enough money, statistically speaking. I will never "find my perfect career", statistically speaking, or even find a lager I can fall in love with, "statistically speaking".

I'm never going to score the winning touchdown at the super bowl, the winning try at the Rugby world cup, or the winning goal at the Fifa world cup. I'm never going to meet Steve McQueen, Bob Marley or Bruce Lee. I will never sleep with Monica Belucci, Dita Von Teese or Zdenka Podkapová. I wont win Le Mans, see the Earth from space or rugby-tackle the Pope.

These are all things that I that if I had one wish, just ONE, I would think about asking for.

But if wishes were horses, beggars would ride.

That's why I'm a happy person.

There are loads of photos and pictures and shit dotted around the net, sporting "inspirational" quotes, from the likes of Muhammed Ali, Bruce Lee, Marilyn Monroe and so forth, spouting crap like "As long as you have a dream, you can reach it" and "The only thing stopping you from reaching your number one wish is yourself."

Bollocks.

Chances are, your dreams are unobtainable, hate to be a kill-joy but it's true. I know my dreams and wishes are, I can never reach that peak, so I don't go chasing ghosts and shadows to try and get there.

That's why I'm always happy, I'll never do any of the above, so I don't have any over-arcing benediction with which to hold myself against, I never achieve something worth being proud of, but then turn-around and think to myself "But yeah, you still haven't got that yacht yet."

That, in so far as I have been able to ascertain is the secret to being happy. It's all about the here and now, fuck 2 years down the line, you might be dead by then. If your life right here, right now, is worth being happy about, if that joke you just heard made you chuckle, if that picture of a midget uppercutting a tranny made you smile, if tramp on a bus just said something funny, if a creationist just made a fundamental scientific error and you laughed about it,  if you just had a glorious shit, wank or game of solitaire, that's it. You're happy.