..."Hungry, hungry Hobos" (alternative idea: Hungry, Hippie hobos)
This game show would be much like the classic plastic-hippo-based board game, except it’d be televised and have genuine hobos and food.
Seems pretty logical to me
The more I thought about this idea, the less it seemed like the mad Monday morning ramblings of an office-worker losing the plot, and the more it started to seem like the work of a mildly deranged genius (if I do say so myself … and I did!)
I started considering the basic setup for the show. I settled (for now at least) upon the idea of having four contestants (none hobos*) who would have to answer some kind of question based round, the results of which would indicate who could choose a hobo first. Once each contestant had selected a hobo, a large circular pit in the centre of the stage would be unveiled (possibly using some kind of sliding floor mechanism (see, the volcano base in “You only Live Twice”), the four hobos would then be released into the pit together with, say, one burger. They’d then fight over said burger (or half eaten pasta salad, whatever takes your fancy really, they’re unlikely to be picky). Whoever manages to get and ingest the food, wins the show for the contestant who chose them. There’d have to be some kind of prize for the contestant, the hobos ought to be happy enough with somewhere to sleep and the possibility of some food. The winning hobo could also perhaps win some drugs or a new jumper or something, to add a further incentive to win.
"Here, have some almost new boots, you've earned them, hobo!"
After this I got to thinking who would host such a show, and that’s when one name sprang to mind, and when it did, I realised my plan had legs, and that, put in the right hands it could run far. The name that sprang to mind was Noel Edmonds. I think that needs no explanation, it was a job that he was practically born for; he’d be perfect for it.
I rest my case
There could also be a section which showed a bio for each hobo, with stats and a catchy name, so that people could get to know them and have favourites etc. (see, Gladiators or Robot Wars) …. Imagine if you will, A steely grey background with bolts around the edge and perhaps some rusting/discolouration. On the left side of the screen appears a super-imposed picture of a hobo, slowly revolving in a 3D fashion, a name plate slams down above his head “TOOTHY JOE” (or some such name, can work on that later). Then, on the right hand side of the screen, further plates of metal with information about “Toothy Joe”, his age, height, weight, significant medical details (alcoholic, addicted to Crack etc.) and finally a short paragraph about his life, where he used to live, favourite sleeping spots, any interesting facts really.
"Hi, welcome to the show, I hope you're as hungry as you look!"
And that was my idea, and I maintain that it could work … especially if I can get Noel Edmonds to agree to it … if not, I’ll need to find someone else I guess ….. Perhaps Brian Blessed.
*… Ok, just typing this up I’ve thought up a new variation that could be done for charity, as a Christmas special or just for the amusement of the masses … Celebrity episodes, where, the hobos take the place of the contestants and pick celebrities to fight for something, maybe some airtime, maybe some cocaine or crack ...that part needs thinking about ……… Maybe I could just look them in a cell for a week with minimal food and just have them fight over a tube of stale Pringles, while the vacuous studio audience cheer and bay for their blood like a pack of ravenous wolves!
……. Either way it’d make brilliant T.V.
